You Can Do Hard Things

You can do hard things.

And it's easier to do the hard things when you honor what you need, focus on what really matters to you, and make choices that are a reflection of who you want to be.

I have been juggling a lot lately, as I am sure you are juggling a lot too.

My mom, Marlene, fell seriously ill in August, and since then, I had been balancing spending time with her along with work, kids, and the rest of life.

Back in August, she ended up in the hospital unexpectedly for two weeks. Each day, I would work in the morning and then travel 45 minutes each way to the hospital to be with her for the afternoon and evening.

My mom got somewhat better, was told she could make a full recovery and spent a month at her home after that (a couple of hours away).

While I didn’t see her in this time, I talked to her often and did a lot of research on her illness. A full recovery didn’t seem likely and I silently grappled with the possibility that we might only have a year or two with her.

Then, in late September, she came to stay with me for a week while my dad was away. She was worse than I expected. I thought she would be improving, but she clearly wasn’t.

My mom did not want me to take the week off work, so I would work in the mornings and check in with her in between client sessions. In the afternoons, we would spend time together when she was up for it, and I would do errands and care for her.

I wanted to take her to the hospital or a doctor, but she refused to go. She went back to her home on Thursday night. Each day when I talked to her on the weekend, she seemed worse.

I felt like I needed to do more. I was deciding if I should drive two hours (one-way) to check in on her and see if I could get her to see a doctor. I wrestled with this decision.

It was not convenient to go. I had a full week of work (especially since I had pushed some things out from the week before). The kids had activities and appointments for the week.

And my mom did NOT want me to come, so I was feeling conflicted.

As I debated and stressed about what to do on that Monday morning, I stopped and asked myself . . .

What is my number one core value? What is most important to me above all else, and what can I choose that is a reflection of the person I want to be?

That value is family – but more specifically to be present with the people I love when they need me the most.

The decision was easy. I instantly packed up, canceled my meetings, and let my husband know he would have to figure out how to take care of the things I had been planning to do on the household front.

I drove to my parent’s house on Monday morning. My dad and I got our mom to go to the hospital Tuesday morning. We found out on Wednesday morning her organs were failing and she was no longer responsive.

And she died suddenly and peacefully on Thursday morning, October 7th, with my dad, me and my siblings by her side. It wasn't a year or two we might have with her, it was just a few short days.

She was 64 years old.

Even though it’s been an incredibly hard time, I have also thrived in all the ways I can.

And it’s been yet another reminder of the power of the perspective and tools I share with you, my clients, and live myself.

Why am I sharing this very personal story with you?

In the hopes, it will inspire you to get real personal with yourself about what you truly want and who you want to be and remember that you can do hard things.

It's inevitable. There will be hard times in your life. Things might feel hard for you now. Even during these times – whether it’s struggling with work or your family or frustration with other people or whatever life is throwing at you . . .

. . . these are the moments to honor what you need, live aligned with your values, and be the leader and person you want to be.

Yet, often, when things get tough or there’s just too much to juggle, you might ignore these things and run yourself down, lose perspective or sacrifice what matters most to you, which leaves you feeling more stressed, more exhausted and more conflicted.

Your well-being, performance and relationships end up suffering. And the hard things can be even harder.

It's a choice.

These past couple of months, I still kept my boundaries and didn’t work in the evenings or weekends because I knew I needed time to recharge and reset each day.

I took things off my plate for work and only focused on what I needed to do to serve existing clients. I said no to new opportunities. I kept things simple.

I compartmentalized – when I was working, I focused on that, and when I was with mom or my kids, I focused on them. I went through the day calmly, with presence and even joy.

I practiced mindfulness to stay present, accept what was happening and let go of the guilt.

I felt what I needed to feel and gave (lots of) space for that too.

Most importantly, I was with my mom when she needed me most and that is time that we would have never gotten back had I not listened to my instincts and values.

So, no matter what’s going on for you in your life right now – whether it’s something big or small, daily stressors that are weighing you down – this is NOT the time to sacrifice what’s important and what you truly need.

Instead, live in integrity with your values and take care of yourself along the way.

When you do, you can experience more ease, presence, and calm going through the hard things, and can be the person and leader you want to be. Not only for yourself, but for the people who need you too.

All my best,

What Next?

You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.

Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.