What If We Change The Question?
Each morning this week, when I first woke up, my mind raced with everything I had to do in the day.
My 11-year old was home from school because of self-isolation. It was a full week of clients and onboarding a new team. And I am committed to contributing to my work in a deeper way.
I’m juggling a lot of things right now, and I’m sure you are too.
A few years ago, this would have led me to work evenings and weekends to keep up, be short on patience and presence, and the overwhelm and anxiety would be high.
Now, even while juggling it all, I feel calm and centered as I am able to bring my unhelpful thoughts back to the present moment, honor my boundaries, and focus on what really matters (and let go of the rest).
Many leaders like you are no longer willing to settle for feeling overwhelmed every day, sacrificing being present with your family or enjoying your personal time, or burning out from trying to keep up with it all.
But you might have no idea how to slow down the pace and take back control of your time when the demands keep coming, and the expectations are higher.
Unexpected things keep happening in the week, like an employee getting sick, your kids being sent home from school, or a big project added to your plate.
And you feel guilty when you are working late to catch up and you feel guilty when you make your personal time the priority, worrying that you'll fall behind.
Because you also have a deep desire to perform at a high level, you care about doing a good job and serving your team, and want to feel a sense of accomplishment.
Am I right?
It is OK and healthy to want to be successful in your career AND have space and presence for other areas of your life. To want to feel good, enjoy your life, AND knock it out of the park in your role.
With the phrase "work-life balance," it's not work and then you have a life. Work IS a part of your life and an essential part of your well-being too.
So, we need to change questions that commonly come up like, "How do I get more done in my day?" or "How do I achieve more?" or "How do I slow down?"
To instead:
"What would it look like if I was successful in my work AND had the time and presence with my family that I want?"
"How do I want to feel and live my life?"
“What could be possible if I _______________?”
When we change the question, we change what's possible. This opens you up to a new way to think and approach your days such as . . .
being clear on what is essential and making meaningful progress on THAT (and saying no to the rest)
keeping strong boundaries to protect your time and energy
practicing mindfulness to focus your attention in a helpful way and be present
feeling good and energized throughout your day instead of overwhelmed and exhausted
having confidence and trusting yourself to take a stand for what you want
connecting with more patience and presence with the people around you
thriving instead of just surviving each day (yes, even when you are struggling)
It comes with not settling for the way things are, saying enough is enough, and commit to figuring it out. And being kind to yourself and granting yourself grace when things don't go the way you want (I for sure have those days too).
What Next?
You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.
Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.
