What Fills You Up? Make THAT A Priority

Rebecca thought she was “fine”. It was just busy life, after all, and she had no choice being so busy with her new demanding Director position. 

Still, she was feeling run down, constantly worried about letting someone down, complaining about work more than she would like, and feeling guilty for missing time with her kids.

On the outside, she seemed on top of things and could get everything done. But no one ever saw how she was really feeling on the inside.

Rebecca read books on time management and productivity, yet didn’t stick with new habits and often thought she must be different or these tactics wouldn’t work for her because of her situation. 

She had the best of intentions and tried to do things differently.

Rebecca tried to cut back on her back-to-back meetings to give some breathing space to get her work done, but people kept booking up her calendar.

She tried to get a better morning routine going so she wouldn’t feel like she was rushing soon as she woke up getting ready, kids out the door and rolling into to work for another meeting. But it never seemed to stick.

She loved going for walks, but never seemed to find the time because she needed to look after business and everyone else first. She often thought “Tomorrow, I will go for a walk” but it rarely happened.

Rebecca still felt frustrated, overwhelmed and spread thin. But, if anyone asked her, she was “fine” because she had resigned herself that this is the way it has to be and she can get by.

Any of this sound familiar?

Rebecca started coaching with me earlier this year, because she was assigned a leadership coach through her company.

Instead of focusing on traditional leadership skills, like better communication and time management, we spent time on things like self-awareness, connecting with her values and what’s important to her in life, and flipping her thinking upside down.

Very quickly, Rebecca finally started to make meaningful changes in her life.

And the biggest shift for her that finally made everything possible, was that . . .

Instead of thinking of breathing space in her calendar, a morning routine or walks as tasks on her to-do list that she just never had time for. . .

Rebecca now thinks of these as the things that “fill her up” and give her energy to make her days easier. This changed everything.

When we are positive, our brains are more engaged, productive, energetic and resilient at work – this has been rigorously researched in psychology and neuroscience.

You’ll hear me say this over and over – because it’s just that important.

Yet the very things that give you joy and lead to positive emotions often are what is sacrificed to get the job done (making things way harder than it needs to be).

Conventional wisdom holds that if we work hard, we will be more successful and, once we are more successful, then we will be happy. That's backwards.

It's your happiness and well-being that fuel your performance and success – it gives you a competitive advantage, it’s a choice and simply feels good.

And, positive emotions are one of the highest predictors of high performance and high energy.

Here are three ways to cultivate positive emotions so you can make your days easier and more enjoyable. Then give yourself permission to do what fills you up!

    1.  What’s a great day for you?

Think about your last day that was great. Nothing huge had to happen. Just a day where you had a genuine good feeling about yourself at the end of the day.

Don’t overthink it or be judgmental . . . what comes straight to your mind?

What was your morning like? What did you feel like when you got in the office? What were your interactions with others like?

What did you accomplish during the day that you felt good about? What time did you leave work?

What did you do in the evening with your kids and spouse? What were you feeling before you went to bed?

What did you NOT do?

Write it all down. This exercise is a blueprint for what makes a great day for you. Pick 1-3 things from this list and make it a part of your every day.

For Rebecca, it was an early morning walk before work, no meetings before 10 a.m., buffer time in between meetings, and playing with the kids outside.

2.  Do something kind for someone else.

Making someone else’s day a little brighter can not only boost their positive emotions, but yours as well. Along with gratitude, this is one of the simplest, most powerful things you can do.

So take time from your busy day to ask someone how they are doing, buy a cup of coffee for a stranger, send an unexpected email to praise a team member, be patient with someone struggling or do something helpful for another.

It can be anything really . . . kindness goes a long way. "No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted" - AESOP.

    3.  Cultivate positive emotions in the moment. What makes your heart sing?

Brainstorm and write down 10 small, simple things that give you joy and “makes your heart sing”.

It can be listening to music, going for a walk, reading a book, coffee with a friend, calling someone you love, watching a funny video, whatever it is for you.

Add these to your day and at times when you are feeling negative, overwhelmed and frustrated to cultivate more positive emotion in the moment.

When positive emotions are present, leaders make better decisions and are more effective with their teams, people are kinder to others and more helpful, and experience less negative thinking and emotions.

You get more done in your day because you’re more productive, so that you can leave work at work to enjoy time with family.

You more easily stay out of the drama and frustrations with other people, which saves you time complaining or ‘cleaning up’ with them.

You have more energy and feel good throughout the day, instead of feeling rundown and tired.

So start to see the things that give you joy and make your day easier as they fill YOU up and give you the energy you need to tackle your day.

 All the best, 

What Next?

You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.

Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.