What Does it Take For Real Confidence in Yourself?

Confidence is a big word with a lot of meaning.

We all want to feel more confident. Whether it’s in that upcoming work presentation or hoping that we are raising our kids to make smart choices.

And, if you ask 10 different people (even experts) how to be more confident, you’ll likely get ten different answers!

So let’s start with the definition of confidence:

• the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust

• the state of feeling certain about the truth of something

• a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

The takeaway? Confidence is a feeling and a belief.

If you’ve followed me for a while, you know that YOU have a choice over your beliefs, thoughts and actions. And our thoughts and beliefs influence how we feel.

This means that YOU 100% have control over your level of confidence.

We can definitely gain confidence by becoming more competent and skilled in a given area – whether it’s public speaking or riding a bike – but that can take time.

And, we for sure feel more confident when we receive recognition from others.

But, it’s even more important that we understand how we can generate real confidence anytime we need it. This comes from how we think about ourselves.

For starters, strive to stop gaining (or losing) confidence from your interactions with your colleagues, your “likes” on social media, comparing to others, or even recognition.

For sure, all of those can make you feel good and boost your confidence. But they also rely on someone or something else as you decide whether or not to feel good about yourself.

The power comes when you can generate confidence from within you (this took me years to learn). That you have a strong belief in yourself and your ability to figure things out.

You know what leaves you feeling confident (and what does not) and the tools and tricks that work for YOU.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

When we feel confident in ourselves, we are able to trust in our own abilities and intuition, and genuinely enjoy the ride as we grow and figure things out.

We need this because our confidence ebbs and flows. I have yet to meet a single person who feels confident in everything or all the time.

Anytime you are taking on a new challenge or stretching yourself or feeling frazzled with juggling life in general, it is normal for doubts and fears to pop up.

It’s what you do with those doubts and fears that make all the difference.

Right now, in my business, I am stretching myself. I am doing things outside of my comfort zone. And that means that fears and doubts come up.

I used to try to get into a “fearless” frame of mind. But that never seemed to work for me.

Once I acknowledged the fears and doubts and recognized that they are actually a sign that I am growing and pushing myself to a new level, they began to have less power over me.

I heard this analogy that stuck with me: My fears are along for the ride, but they are in the passenger seat and I am the driver. I get to choose my thoughts, beliefs and actions.

And the times when my confidence is lower I simply pay attention, acknowledge how I'm feeling, and ask myself what I need.

It might be to talk to someone, to lean into my strengths, to focus on courage, to have space to mentally prep for a big meeting, or to listen to something that inspires me.

Or it might be to go for a walk to clear my head, to read a powerful quote that reminds me of my why, or to write out the small accomplishments from the day and so on.

We all have things that help us feel more confident. We all know what confidence feels like. We ALL have the ability to generate real confidence in ourselves.

I encourage you to take a few minutes today to write out everything that gives YOU confidence.

It might be a person or a thing or string of words or belief or a place or all of the above. What gives you the feeling of confidence?

Write it all out. The more specific the better. You can look at this anytime you need it.

What Next?

You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.

Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.