What Does A Grocery Shopping Trip Have To Do With Leadership?

I used to be a control freak. Everything had to be to my high standards and my way of doing things – because it was the “right way” of course <wink>.

I quickly learned that approach doesn’t get you very far when leading others, whether at work or as a parent. 

When you let go of control and empower others to think for themselves, you open up a whole new level in yourself and them. 

PLUS, it is WAY easier when you don’t always have to be the one with all the answers or doing all the work!

A recent trip to the grocery store is a great example of this . . .

We are always on the lookout for opportunities to teach our kids (Carter – 10 and Emmett – 8) about independence and responsibility, so I threw out an idea . . .

“Why don’t they handle the grocery shopping this weekend! A FIRST!”

The boys responded immediately: “YES!” (To my surprise). 

And then it hit me: “Oh s#%*, now what?” And quickly remembered this is a good thing.

I often feel like parenting is a crash course in Leadership 101.

Here are some lessons on leadership I reflected on while I waited for them in the grocery store parking lot . . .

1) Describe the desired outcome, not the ‘how’.

You never know what someone is capable of until you give them the opportunity to figure it out for themselves. Trust they can do this.

I made a list of 10 items we needed that gave some variety – milk, apples, lean ground beef, juice boxes and so on. My instructions were simply that these are the items we need and to buy what is on the list.

Each kid also got to select an item of his choice, with the expectation that it needed to be reasonably priced, not junk and something everyone would enjoy.

How they went about it, the order they did it, how long they took to do it, that was completely up to them! 

2) Ask questions and find out what they think.

As we discussed the list, I asked the boys: What are your questions about what you are going to do? What is your plan how to do it? How much money do you think you need?

Instead of telling people what to do and how to do it, help them think through it, as well as any obstacles, in advance. 

What do you think might get in your way? What if somebody says you shouldn’t be shopping on your own, what will you say? What if you don’t have enough money when you pay, what will you do? Any other questions for me? 

Nope? Great!

Asking open-ended questions helps people think for themselves (instead of just telling or leading them) and they are more likely to learn from the experience.

3) Encourage them to use their judgment.

Remind and encourage your team (and kids) to use their judgment in situations where they are not sure what to do. Instill the belief that they can, in fact, do this and show you trust in them. 

Don’t underestimate the power of reminding someone they can be resourceful and think for themselves.

We encouraged the kids to use their judgment when they need to and just make a call.

4) Accept there may be mistakes, and it will almost certainly be done differently than how you would do it! 

Mistakes will happen. That is how people learn and grow! 

I may put something on the list and they’ll come out with something completely different. They might lose the money . . . $100! It might take a really long time! 

But my goodness, they are doing something new and learning a skill that’s going to serve them well down the road.

No one is going to do it exactly the way you would, and that’s a good thing. As good as you are, it’s possible that someone else’s way might actually be an improvement you would never have come up with. 

In this case, the boys purchased a salad kit that was not our usual style. We had it for supper that night and my husband (unaware that it was a ‘mistake’ item) loved it! We would not have discovered it were it not for them! Thanks kids! 

5) Consider the risk and plan for it to put yourself at ease.

If you’re anxious about having someone else do something, ask yourself: What’s the worst case scenario? Then, develop a plan for that very scenario, to set yourself at ease.

The kids asked for $100. They might lose this money. And if that happens, it is a lesson . . . what would we do differently next time? But, that worst-case scenario isn’t the end of the world.

This is an opportunity for them to go try something new and to feel empowered to do it, so there was way more benefit than risk!

(Besides, things rarely turn out to be the worst-case).

6) Create a challenging, yet safe container – set them up to succeed.

We didn’t send the kids to the small grocery store by our house, since they are familiar with it and it would be a very easy task. 

We also didn’t send them to Costco because that would likely be overwhelming and very hard to find items – it overwhelms me at times! 

We sent them to the medium-sized store, instead – a good challenge, and one where they can succeed. 

Challenge your team in a way that is not so big that they’ll completely fail or fall on their face – yet is a enough of a challenge to get out of their comfort zone and raise their game.

7) You will be judged. Be OK with it.

You will be judged by others. Everyone is always judging. You have to accept this and be willing to let them go out and try. I was well aware someone might think I am a sketchy parent sending my children to do this task.

Even my husband said if he saw two kids on their own shopping in that store, he would ask them what was up and be tempted to follow them into the parking lot (even though he was OK with ours doing it).

People might judge you when you let a team member do something new and challenging – maybe they aren’t doing as good of job or maybe asking the wrong question. You need to have your team members’ back and create these opportunities regardless.

Ignore the naysayers.

8) It will likely take longer at first, yet save you more time in the long run.

This is the biggest objection! It takes too long to let someone else do it. Yes, it might take more time upfront to empower someone else and delegate, but will likely save you far more time in the long run.

9) Praise them and bask in their excitement. 

When I saw the boys walk out of there proudly bringing their stuff, with a look that said: “Holy smokes, I just went grocery shopping and I paid for things and I know I did a good job!”, the only thing on my mind was to be a part of their excitement and praise them.

When somebody succeeds (which includes willing to give it a go), spend time in the good experience, before jumping into what they could have done better. 

Even if it didn’t go smoothly, focus on the good.

It reinforces the behaviors you want to see and makes them feel awesome. They are far likely to give it a go next time.

Even a woman praised the boys in the store, saying that she was there with her kids doing the same thing – but that her kids are 20 years old! They loved hearing that, and it kept them excited about the job.

10) Encourage reflection.

There is always something to learn. What would you do again? What would you do differently? Take time to reflect to help learn and grow so any lessons really sink in. 

Again, you are helping them to think for themselves and develop skills that will serve them (and you) in the long run.

********

Remember . . . your job is not to make sure that your team or your kids always do everything perfectly or exactly the way you would do it or even to tell them how to do it.

Your job is to support them to learn to think for themselves and be resourceful. 

Your job is to help them to feel empowered and aware of their decision-making skills and judgment. 

That is your responsibility and privilege as a leader.

And, when you come from this place, it gets much easier to give up that control to let someone else shine. 

Hit the comments and let me your thoughts on this post and leadership.

All the best,

What Next?

You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.

Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.