Keeping It Real . . . We All Have Bad Days

Ever find yourself having a day where you are so "off" – nothing seems to go right, you’re annoyed with everyone, you’re feeling down and no matter what you do, you just can’t seem to pull yourself out of it?

This was me the past few days. Which is unusual to happen for that long (a few years ago, it was not that uncommon). 

Me and the kids live out at the lake for the summer and, just last week, I was thinking to myself how it’s been the best summer and pretty stress-free. 

The kids have been getting along, no broken limbs this year, I’ve been working on projects that are enjoyable so work feels easy, lots of summer fun and nice weather.

And then the weekend rolled around and my mood took a serious nose dive.

I’d lose my s&*t with the kids over pretty small things – like them getting upset for losing at a game of Sorry (ever notice the hypocrisy when you yell at your kids to stop yelling?) or running late for supper at someone’s house, when those three minutes late did. not. matter!

I was also very short on patience and grumpy with my husband, who was only out for the weekend – he could say or do the smallest "wrong" thing, and I was super mad and felt like he just didn’t care. 

And when things aren’t good with Kenton and me, everything feels harder.

These were small, every day things that would annoy me typically (there is justification), but the past few days they were blown up. 

A bunch of small things mounted into one, great big thing. Ever feel that way?

Hence, a weekend funk that I’m just getting over. Even my usual gratitude wasn’t pulling me out of it – although I like to think it kept me from getting any worse.

We all have bad days and struggle at times. When you’re someone who is a recovering perfectionist, like me, it can be challenging to give yourself this space and accept that it’s OK.

This is one of the biggest challenges I’ve overcome the past few years, to give myself this space when I feel out of sorts. 

"We all get discouraged. We all feel lost. We all have our moments. It’s what we do when we feel these things that makes all the difference." 
-Kristen Hadeed

Now, I am self-aware to know that it is my attitude that’s blowing these small things into something big, my energy was low and I knew why I am feeling this way and what I need. 

We've had an unusual amount of family visiting and events and friends out since late July, and I am on people overload. Every day there's something going on. 

I am a full-on introvert – if you are familiar with Myers Briggs, I’m an INTJ and as far "I" as one can get. Everything we have been doing with friends and family had been fun and enjoyable, AND it’s also taking a lot of my energy. 

I know I need alone, quiet time to recharge. I need a day of no guests or kids and just chill. I’ll do this once company leaves, so for now it’s short walks and this weekend will give that space.

The old me might have gone on for several days in a funk or kept falling into this trap over and over, because the old me would have not taken time to take care of myself or focus early on how to get to a better place. 

Thankfully, these "off days" are few and far between now.

When you take care of yourself, only then you can be there for others in a real and meaningful way.

Want to know what else I noticed when it comes to my perfectionism tendencies? 

As someone whose entire business is about working with busy leaders who struggle with overwhelm, self-confidence and feeling stressed, to help them instead feel happier, more balanced and confident so that they can enjoy their days and perform even better . . . 

. . . the better I got at helping clients to do this, the less permission I gave myself to have those bad days or feel stressed myself.

"Who am I to help someone be less stressed, when I’m obviously not handling it right now?" I would beat myself up over it – which just piles on the negative emotions.

Getting it right all the time should NEVER be the goal. It’s unrealistic. It’s that perfectionist, ‘gotta be 100% perfect for me to do a good job’ tendency that was creeping up. 

It just puts a whole lot of pressure on yourself. That perfectionism was causing me to feel even more stressed out, which isn’t what I want.

What’s more effective is thinking about how you want to show up as what you aspire to every day, and work on getting better at it each day. And when you fall off track, recognizing it and doing what you need to get back to where you want to be.

Most days you can hit it and some days you don’t.

So, the past couple months I’ve been getting back to being more accepting when I feel this way and not give it so much meaning. 

And this is exactly what I did this past weekend – I skipped the part about beating myself up over how I was feeling.

When you accept and acknowledge how you're feeling (instead of trying to pretend you are alright or hiding it), it creates less resistance and you can move through it more quickly. 

When you focus on self-compassion and being kind to yourself, as well as compassion for others who were bearing the brunt of a bad mood (they weren’t trying to be difficult!), you can move through it more quickly.

And when you meet your needs – which for me, was some alone, quiet time – you stop wasting your energy, so you can instead put it towards more positive and productive use.

And know how you’re feeling is temporary and it will pass. It always does. What you do when you feel this way makes all the difference in how long you stay there.

This is why I'm so inspired to do this work with clients – because when you develop these skills it makes every day challenges so much easier and the bad days are less and less. 

You think and operate from a different level, so your highs and lows are from a different baseline. 

It does not mean that everything is going to be perfect. It does not mean that you always are going to get it right and you're always going to be a patient and you're always going to be positive. 

Whatever it is that you want for yourself, think of it as what you aspire towards to take off the perfectionism pressure, and you’ll achieve what you want more easily.

We all have different struggles and aspirations. I’d love to hear from you, in relation to being your best self and/or enjoying your days . . .

1) What’s the one thing you struggle with the most?
2) What’s the one thing you aspire to be, do or have the most?

Share in the comments below! Acknowledging what you struggle with the most and what you aspire to the most is a simple, powerful first step :)

All the best,

What Next?

You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.

Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.