Go Ahead, Just Ask (Again)

Last week, our kids were off school for Easter break, and we headed to West Edmonton Mall for a short family getaway.

There is an amusement park in the mall and the kids were SO excited for the rides. Early on in the day, that excitement turned to tears for our son, Emmett who is 7.

At the bumper cars, Emmett was seriously scrutinized for being too short to go on the ride. The attendant spent 45 seconds sizing him up and was still unsure (that’s how close it was)!

After pretty much forcing a credit card in between his head and the “you have to be this tall to ride” post, she decided he was too small for the bumper cars.

Emmett was super sad as he watched his older brother go on the ride. Through his tears, he said he really thought he was tall enough (um, so did we!) and he thought he should have been allowed to go on the ride. He really wanted to go.

We asked “What can you do?” After a couple of responses of “nothing”, he came up with “try again?”. Awesome idea!

So, we encouraged him to wait until he felt better, practice standing taller and to confidently and politely stand in line and give it a go.

Emmett: “What if she says no again?” Me: “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” Emmett: “I can’t go on the ride”. Me: “Are you any worse off than you are now?” Emmett: “Nope.”

He went on his own to stand in line and try again. And sure enough, he was given the green light and could ride the bumper cars!

Not only did Emmett get to enjoy the ride, he had also learned an important lesson.

Don’t just ask once and quit if you get an answer you don’t like. If you really believe in something, go ahead and ask again.

One reason people struggle to gain influence in their personal and professional lives is that they simply don’t ask for what they want or need. Or give up too quickly.

And, typically, people who don’t influence well fail to ask for what they want because of letting the fear of judgement or rejection get in the way of them speaking up.

Part of developing your influence is simply learning to make frequent requests, and getting better at making those requests only comes with practice. This can help you to gain the outcome you desire or at least influence things in the direction you’d like it to go.

Here are three things to consider to develop your influence when it comes to asking for what you want:

When you ask for what you want, don’t just ask once and quit if you get an answer you don’t like. Effective influencers understand the power of repetition. So, they try multiple times to get their ideas in front of those who they hope to influence. You can do this in a way that doesn’t come across as needy or pushy.

When you make these requests, pay attention to what you learn and adjust your approach as needed. It’s essential to pay attention to your impact and influence, so you can learn from what goes well and what doesn’t, and adjust your approach accordingly for next time. There is always something to learn to help you grow and hone your influence skill.

Accept that rejection is part of the process and happens to everyone. There’s no doubt that, regardless of how well you influence or communicate your ask, some people just might not like what you have to say or you won’t get the outcome you want. That’s just a risk you need to be willing to take to develop your skill and have real influence.

People have far more resources available to them than they might realize. So, go ahead and just ask for what you want or need (even if it’s again). Try a different angle or approach, and continually hone this skill. 

When you don’t ask, you can miss out on opportunities to better influence and gain the outcome what you want – like riding the bumper cars.

Here’s what you can do next . . .

What is something that you want or need, and you have been holding off asking? What is it about the situation you are holding off? What would it take for you to go and simply ask (even if it’s a second time)?

Now go ahead, and just ask 

What Next?

You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.

Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.