Family + Achievement

Family is one of my core values. It’s my one thing – the most important thing – and if I am giving the right attention, time and my very best self to my husband and kids, everything else becomes easier.

And when I am not living my value of family, life feels a whole lot harder.

At the same time, like many of you, achievement in my career is also important to me. It’s essential to well-being.

I have a strong drive to turn a business vision into something concrete, continually growing and delivering meaningful results for my clients.

For a long time, these two elements – my value of family and my sense of achievement – were out of balance, with the latter one becoming more intense, important and time-consuming at the expense of the other.

Family was my most important value, yet my actions showed otherwise.

Looking back, I didn’t understand what it means to really live your values, or recognize that, when facing a conflict between two important areas, there were many more choices available to me.

I often worked evenings and weekends. I had little energy and presence for my family at the end of the day. I’d rush through home “duties” and once the kids were in bed, I’d catch up on work tasks and email.

I was really good at being optimistic and calm at work, yet I had little oomph and patience when things didn’t go smoothly at home. The kids’ bedtime often turned into an angry battle of wills.

And the kicker? I would have told you I was happy at the time. It was normal, busy life after all. The way things were. BUT, it eventually caught up with me.

My relationships started to suffer – not hugely, but enough that it was noticeable. I was arguing more with my husband, who had always been my most favorite person but started driving me crazy. My kids were “difficult” and hard to please.

I thought it was them. I eventually figured out I had a pretty HUGE part in this dynamic. They were not getting my best self.

I thought there must be a better way and I started to make changes.

At the busiest time in my corporate career, I made the decision to stop working evenings and weekends – cold turkey. I created better boundaries and shared them with others.

And you know what? It was SO awesome. I earned more respect from my colleagues and performed even better. I was rested and more productive during the day.

However, I was still missing energy and finding it hard to be truly present at home because my mind was always “on”.

Over time, I became more mindful of my thoughts and actions. I starting really, truly living in line with my values. I became more present at work and at home.

And now that I am busier than ever in my own business, I am again reminded of what it’s like to make those harder choices. To balance family and that sense of achievement.

Thankfully, I’ve learned my lesson.

For me, family will always be my number one.

I check in with this value – every. single. day. I rarely ever feel out of balance.

And to do this, it means I need to be more focused and be more selective what I choose to do to be successful in my work. To play within my boundaries. And I am achieving more than ever.

Many people believe they can’t possibly do more without compromising their happiness and sense of balance – that to be successful, they must sacrifice their personal and family time.

This simply isn’t true – it’s a choice you are making. And there are other choices available to you.

Here are ways to help you make some of those choices.

Adopt a more powerful mindset about your time.

Your time is your most valuable, precious resource and extremely limited (even more than money).

When you look at it through that lens, you invest your minutes during your day more wisely and waste less of your time and energy on things that don’t really matter, from the small things to the big things.

And you can put more of your time and energy into what really matters at work and at home.

Give yourself permission to stop trying to do it all – at work and at home.

Less is better. While it can be tempting to do everything or have ten priorities at a time, you can instead adopt more focused approach on what is truly essential.

When you give yourself this permission, you can start saying yes more to what you really want and say no to what you don’t want. It’s about making trade-offs.

You only have so much time and energy, and when you spread yourself out, you spread yourself thin.

If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will for you. And by doing less, you can actually be more effective and happy.

Get clear on what is THE most important.

There can only be one most important thing. Many things may be important, but only one can be the most important.

By getting clear on the one thing, it helps guide your decisions when you face those tougher trade-offs and choices when your values or priorities are in conflict.

When you are unsure what to do, being clear on what’s most important can make the decision much easier. And then having the courage to follow through on that decision.

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For me, both family and achievement are important. And there are times when I will be putting my attention more to one than the other, like when I choose to travel for work – that’s realistic.

But when I do that check-in with myself every day, I am confident that I am living my values and others know that through my actions every day. I’m clear on what’s most important to me.

And that will always be my husband and kids. Because the rest of it doesn’t matter without them.

What to do next?

Seek out where there is one choice you can make to better live your values each day – and demonstrate it through your actions.

Values are different for each of us. If you are unsure what matters to you most or where you might not be aligned with your values,

CLICK HERE to download your copy of the Be At Your Best Roadmap.

All the best,

What Next?

You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.

Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.