Don’t Let Your Expectations Steal The Moment

I saw the movie “A Star Is Born” this weekend. I was captivated during the first half of the movie . . . it was incredible.

And then the movie started going in a direction I did not expect . . . and I was distracted in my thoughts of how it should have or should have not gone, wanting it to speed up to see what would happen and then left disappointed because it didn’t meet my expectations.

When I got home, I reflected on how I was so mesmerized by the first half but had such a different experience in the last half.

I realized that I became distracted and critical and missed enjoying what was happening in the moment, because it didn’t meet my expectations (and who says my expectations are right, anyways?)

I rarely ever do this, but I went back a couple of days later to watch it again – and absolutely loved it in its entirety.

I realized all the little details I missed the first time when I was distracted, and even though it didn’t go in the direction I expected, it was still captivating.

And it got me thinking about when this happens in our work. In a meeting. Or a conversation. Or a conversation with your spouse or kids.

When things do not go the way you expected and you get distracted in your thoughts.

You stop paying attention to the small important details.

You miss appreciating what is going on in the moment.

Your attention is focused on what you think should happen, rather than what is really happening.

When is the last time a conversation or interaction didn’t go the way you expected?

Think back to it – what was going on in your head? Were you focused on the moment or the end result? What did you miss when you were wrapped up in your own head?

For a moment, let’s imagine that your goal is to influence a co-worker to improve their performance. While you are having the conversation, you might be so occupied with getting them to see your perspective or get to a solution, that you missing hearing what’s really going on with them and the possibility in the moment.

Increased focus on the end goal or an expectation means that less attention is available to you in that moment.

Here are four ways to stay in the moment and experience the possibility, especially when things aren’t meeting your expectations.

1) Let go of the idea that events must happen in a certain way. You can make fewer demands of the current moment or a future moment.

Instead of clinging to your own expectations, pay attention and be open to see where a situation takes you.

2) Detach from the outcome. When we notice that we are not making enough progress in closing the gap between what’s happening and what we want for an outcome, this can lead to frustration or impatience and cloud our thinking, which can affect our actions and the result itself.

When you detach yourself from the outcome, you free yourself from worry, think more clearly and can be more present.

3) Remind yourself of a goal or your aim and then return back to the moment, and it is more likely that you will achieve that goal.

The attention can now be fully focused on the act in that moment instead of on the thoughts about the purpose or the gap between now and what you expect.

4) Give up your need to be right or any negative judgments you are making about a person or situation. This again keeps you stuck in your head, instead of being open to the possibility in the moment.

Paying more attention to the path to achieve the goal makes it easier to see what this moment has to offer, especially when it’s going in a direction you didn’t expect.

You pay attention to the small important details.

You appreciate what is going on in the moment.

Your attention is focused on the here and now, rather than stuck in your head with what did happen or what might happen.

And when you can do this, you might just find your own incredible movie unfolding right in front of you.

What Next?

Want to know how to be your very best at the office and at home without the constant worry and overwhelm (even when you’re feeling weighed down by all the expectations)?

If so, I’m hosting a live free ‘Be At Your Best’ training this upcoming Thursday!

CLICK HERE for the details on what you’ll discover in this live 60-minute training and to register for your free seat (I’ll send out the recording if you are registered).

All the best,

What Next?

You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.

Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.