Do you feel pressure to reply instantly to others, whether it’s an email from your manager, a Teams message from a co-worker, or even a text from a friend?

Or perhaps you expect that from others? And when they don’t reply right away, you worry they’re ignoring you or question if they’re on top of things.

That pressure to respond instantly—and expecting it of others—is real. We’ve all felt it, and it can be a tricky thing to navigate.

This summer, our cabin was on the market.

We’d listed it in April, but as the weeks went on and we spent more time there, I realized deep down I didn’t want to sell.

Going through the realtor and sales process didn’t help… and it was eye-opening!

Each request for a showing or an offer came with tight deadlines and expectations to respond quickly.

It was also kinda stressful with the logistics of showing the property while living in it with kids, a dog, and trying to keep the place clean!

Some of that pressure I was putting on myself. The realtor was just doing his job, after all.

But one good offer we received a couple of weeks ago landed in our inbox on a Saturday morning at 9 a.m.… with a deadline of noon that same day!

Three hours to make a big decision. Way too short of a deadline. And it didn’t take into account everyday life.

What if we’d slept in that morning? Or didn’t check our phones first thing? Or had a family event and were being present with that?

It was an easy no to the offer, largely because of the expectation to quickly reply. (Although my husband did say it felt strange to so casually say no to that amount of money ;-))

Because I decided a few years ago that I was done with the pressure and expectation of instant responses.

It always felt icky to me in my marketing when I’d set a “fake” deadline or create urgency to push someone into a decision. 

Or advice like “if you don’t respond to a potential client within five minutes, you’ll lose the sale” (yes, I read this in a book recently!). 

Or simply being present in the moment, whether it’s a coaching session with a client, focus time, or hanging out with family.

I’ve decided I’m okay with missing out if I don’t respond quickly.

Not responding within five minutes, three hours, or even the same day is not a reflection of your value or whether you care.

Of course, deadlines and timely responses matter.

But when we expect instant replies from ourselves or others, we pile on unnecessary pressure and often make poorer decisions.

Think about it: how many times have you said yes too quickly, only to regret it later?

Or fired off a reply just to “clear it,” instead of giving it the thoughtful attention it deserved?

Or felt pulled out of the present moment because you thought you had to respond?

These small moments of pressure and distraction chip away at your sense of balance, increases stress, and doesn’t respect what someone’s day might look like. 

Maybe they’re in a meeting and being present. Maybe they’re at an event. Or maybe they’re simply focused on important work and turned notifications off.

Responsiveness is valuable. But it doesn’t have to mean instant.

And quite frankly, there’s just too much coming at you to respond instantly to everything.

The average professional gets 121 emails per day and spends about 28% of their week on email (McKinsey). Instant responses just compound that overload.

It also takes time to refocus after an interruption or distraction. That means “just replying quickly” isn’t quick at all—it costs your focus and productivity.

And while most people value responsiveness at work, the majority expect a reply within a business day—not five minutes!

The “instant” expectation often comes from ourselves, not them. So, what can you shift?

Take some time to think about your own expectations with responsiveness, and how you want to operate. This isn’t about right or wrong, but rather being mindful.

Differentiate what’s truly important and urgent. If something requires a fast response, great. But most things don’t—and giving some space gently helps reset norms for everyone.

And lead by example. Responding at midnight or instantly teaches your team that’s what’s expected of them. A bit of a delay communicates healthier boundaries.

And when you do respond instantly? That is absolutely okay too… just ensure it’s coming from a good place and you’re not just doing it out of pressure.

Even sending a quick message — “Got your note, heading into a meeting, I’ll reply later today” — takes the pressure off you and reassures them.

You can value responsiveness and still be caring without being “always on.”

Be bold. Where can you be more mindful about letting go of the expectation of instant replies from yourself or others?

You’ll make better decisions, feel more balanced and create space for everyday life, and ease that pressure.

I’m here cheering you on!

Stacey Olson, CPPC is a speaker, leadership coach, and author of Your Balanced and Bold Life: Work Less, Live More, and Be Your Best. She helps busy professionals create more balance, stress less, and be their best both at work and at home—even with the constant demands and messy everyday life. Learn more and get the book here.