I hope your summer is treating you well so far. I took some time off in July and am easing back into a work routine—while still living at the lake.

It’s been a season of late nights with teens, a slower pace, summer fun… and the occasional test of boundaries with other people.

So, as we get back into these weekly emails, I thought it was only fitting to start with:

What people get wrong about boundaries.

We spend a lot of our summer at the cabin. While we’re here, there’s a small local business we use for a service we need each week.

One Saturday morning (like we often do), we called for the service. Their posted hours are open until noon on Saturdays and closed Sundays. We left a message around 11:15 a.m.

Shortly after noon, the owner texted to say they were already done for the day. If we wanted it on Sunday, it’d be more than double the usual cost—unless they were already planning to come out.

We texted back asking for clarity.

Were we actually outside regular hours, even though we called before noon? What exactly would the charge be? Because if it was double, we’d just wait—not a big deal.

There was clearly some tension in the short text exchange.

We tried to smooth it over, acknowledged it was a miscommunication, and explained we just wanted to confirm the rate.

He then replied:
“It’s probably best you call someone else… you have put a real downer on my afternoon and camping.”

Wait—what?!

We weren’t rude. And… he initiated the exchange after hours. We had no idea he was camping.

We were clearly infringing on his boundaries.
But here’s what he—and so many people—get wrong about boundaries:

Boundaries are about what you are and aren’t willing to do.
They’re not about telling other people what they can or can’t do.

If he’d simply said something like this from the start:

“Hey, we’re already done for the day. We can come Monday, or Sunday at the emergency rate. Let me know what works best. If you have any concerns, we can chat Monday.”

…and then stopped replying.

That would’ve been honoring a boundary. Instead, he blamed us for how he felt and “let us” put a downer on his day.

Here’s a key mindset:

No one can ruin your personal time or energy—unless you let them.
It’s up to you to honor your boundaries.

It’s not: “You can’t text or email me.”
It’s: “I don’t reply outside business hours.”
And then you follow through.

I’ve gotten this wrong too—and I still have to be mindful of it.

It’s why I don’t typically check email when I’m on vacation. There’s always that one email: the client I didn’t land, the issue I can’t fix right away, someone wanting something after hours…

Suddenly, I’m not present anymore. It might even dampen my mood depending on what it is.

But that’s my problem—not someone else’s fault.

Ideally, others respect our boundaries and we respect theirs. If you have a team, this is especially important. However, we can’t control what others do or how they show up.

What we can control is how we respond—and how we protect our time, energy, and well-being.

If you don’t want to get pulled into work or let someone else’s priorities infringe on your personal time?

Protect it. Communicate your boundary.
Then turn off the notifications. Don’t check. Don’t reply.
You’re not being difficult. You’re being clear—and protecting your energy.

And when you feel frustrated with someone for infringing on your boundary?

Catch yourself. Remember that you’re responsible for how you feel and how you respond. And reset.

Take full ownership of your time, energy, and attention.

Even when others are being annoying. 😉

All my best!

Stacey Olson, CPPC is a speaker, leadership coach, and author of Your Balanced and Bold Life: Work Less, Live More, and Be Your Best. She helps busy professionals create more balance, stress less, and be their best both at work and at home—even with the constant demands and messy everyday life. Learn more and get the book here.