You're Not Selfish

This time of year, life can feel overstuffed!

You might be stressing about what gifts to buy your nieces and nephews, big projects at work or sending out the annual Christmas card.

When you go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning, your mind is scrolling through all you need to do and what you forgot to do. 

And you have even less 'me' time and space for what you need to recharge and feel your best.

You want to enjoy this time of year without the usual grind. To accomplish what's important at work and be present for what matters at home. 

But it all feels overwhelming. And you sometimes you might secretly want to say F-it and not do any of it.  

Maybe this isn’t what’s exactly going on for you, but you likely have your own version of overstuffed life.

As I shared last week in the blog, the key to 'having it all' is to stop trying to do it all and being clear on what you really want.

While we often think of having it all regarding the bigger aspects of our life, like career and family.

'Having it all' is often found in the smaller, everyday moments. But we think it is selfish to do what we really want or need in those moments, don't we?

I remember a few years ago, sitting at our dining room table addressing Christmas cards and catching up on work emails late at night . . .

When what I really needed was to relax and get to bed on time.

And I remember it being the simplest, most empowering decision when I just gave up doing the Christmas card and let go of the guilt.

Because I did NOT have the time, mental space or desire.

It was a small decision, but it was so freeing for me at the time.

Much of the work I do with clients is focused on getting clear on what they really want. What balance and success looks like for them . . . and helping them find the courage to strive for THAT.

Not what your company thinks, or society thinks, or what you see on social media or what everyone else seems to be doing. 

And, not only success in your work or achievements.

What will leave you feeling happier, more fulfilled and balanced? What does that kind of success look like to YOU?

What do you need so that you can be and feel your best, both at work and at home?

How do you want to show up in those small, everyday moments?

Remember, it's often the small choices that bring the most peace (and relief).

But what I often hear in response is that it "feels selfish" to do what you want and need, deep down.

If this is you, it's time for a reframe. 

It is not selfish to . . .

Ignore your work email in the evening because you want to be present with your kids and have time to do what YOU want to do.

Say 'no’ to taking on a new project at work that you know will leave you feeling spread thin and take away your attention from what is the current priority.

Take an hour by yourself in the morning to read, exercise or plan your day (or whatever fills your cup) before getting pulled into everyone else’s needs.

Keep no-meeting time in your calendar or leave work on time because you know that this helps you focus and feel less scattered.

Skip a bigger family event for the holidays that you really don’t want to do because it is chaotic, and instead do what your husband and kids want to do.

Go for a walk outside on a beautiful day even though you have dirty dishes in the sink or presents to wrap.

Choose not to send the annual Christmas card if you don’t want to or you simply don't have the space for it this year.

To do whatever gives you more joy and less stress. 

You'll feel better and people will get to experience the best version of you when you do.

It's not selfish to make yourself a priority. As Meghan (a client) shared . . .

"I largely felt that I didn't have time for such a "selfish" investment in myself. Now, being a bit introspective, I feel that I don't have time NOT to ensure I am living the life I want and that my priorities and decisions about how I spend my time are aligned with my values and what is most important to me."

So, what does that kind of balance look like for YOU? What would you do if you weren’t worried about what other people think?

What is one small decision you can make now so that life feels a little less overstuffed?

That’s your intuition giving you a nudge. 

This is not selfish. This is bold. This is courageous. This is necessary.

The balance and success you want in your life hinges on it.

And, hey, if you are still feeling selfish . . . perhaps the better question is: So what? 

P.S. If you’d like help to prioritize what really matters at work and in your personal life, to calm your mind and more easily let go of the guilt and overwhelm, and to be your best self at work and at home, send me an email at [email protected] and I can share details how we can work together to create meaningful change in your life . . . in the small, everyday moments.

What Next?

You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.

Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.