Turn Down The Volume On Your Guilt

Do you find yourself often feeling guilty about saying no to someone or something (even though it’s what you deep down wanted to do)?

Or feeling guilty because you missed an important deadline last week or yelled at your kids last night?

Guilt comes from the feeling that you’re doing something wrong. And I believe that sometimes guilt can be helpful.

If you’re making choices that are not aligned with your values or what really matters to you or who you want to be, guilt is understandable and can benefit you.

It tells you this is something you care about and serves as a cue to pay attention.

You can look at it without being hard on yourself, and ask: What is this trying to tell me?

For example, if I yell at my kids and I feel guilty about it, that’s understandable. It’s not the parent I want to be.

The trick is to notice it and then choose to reframe it, take action to make it better, or learn from it and let it go.

To turn down the volume.

Continuing to hold onto the guilt wastes your energy, it doesn’t feel very good, and if you want to be more balanced, learning how to better manage your focus is key.

This ties back to my last blog on being present – when we are present in the moment we are not feeling guilty or worried or stressed.

BUT what often happens – and is 100% NOT helpful – is we feel guilty about choices that ARE aligned with what you want or need or who you want to be.

When you say no to taking on a new project at work because you’re already spread thin or want to focus, but then feel guilty.

Or when you decline attending a family get together because you need some personal time or simply don't want to go, but then feel guilty.

This guilt steals your presence. It steals your joy. It wastes your energy. It leaves you feeling more stressed and less balanced.

And you miss out on enjoying the benefit of doing the thing you really wanted to do!

It’s then definitely time to turn down the volume (I share one thing you can do below).

This still bubbles up for me at times.

On Friday last week, I was supposed to be in Saskatoon for the day and overnight for my husband’s work event.

It has been on the calendar for months. Two days prior, I decided not to go.

The looming logistics of being away for the day – leaving our 15-year-old on his own, figuring out what to wear for the event (my wardrobe is seriously lacking) . . .

. . . and winter deciding to come last week so the slight chance of us both being storm-stayed in another city because of snow – wasn’t appealing.

It was a busier week with my business. My husband would also be doing some work that day for the event.

And deep down, I didn’t want to go.

It felt good to just make the call and decide to stay home. Everything was instantly so much easier for the week. My husband was great about it.

But then the familiar GUILT crept in for not going!

Thankfully, I have learned how to turn down the volume (and what I help clients with as well).

How can you do this?

One way is to focus on what you are saying yes to instead! And be kind to yourself too.

As much as I would have liked to have been with my husband for the trip, I wanted to stay home more.

I was saying yes to . . .

Making the week easier. An unexpected free day to work on a book project. A quiet night at home.

And doing what I really wanted to do!

So, when you look at your upcoming week or month, what is something you deep down don’t want to do?

What if you give yourself permission to let it go and do what you want to do instead?

And when that guilt creeps up, remind yourself what you’re saying yes to instead . . . turn down the volume!

Finally, if you’d like help to figure out what to say "yes" and "no" to that aligns with what really matters in your work and personally . . .

To calm your mind, be more present and turn down the volume on the guilt, worry, doubts and overwhelm . . .

To be more balanced as a leader and in your life . . .

There are just a few spots left to join The Balanced Leader™ coaching program for Fall/Winter 2023-24.  Send me an email for the details and we can see if it’s right for YOU (or let someone know who could benefit).

All my best,

What Next?

You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.

Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.