Balancing Family and Achievement

Family has been one of my core values, which has evolved over time to mean that I am fully present with the people I care about the most.

It's the one thing – the most important thing – that if I am giving the right attention, time and my best self to my husband and kids, everything else in life feels easier to navigate.

And when I am not living my value of family and being present, life feels a whole lot harder. 

At the same time, perhaps like you, I am driven and ambitious, and I valued achievement in my career.

For a long time, these values of family and achievement were in conflict, with the career focus being more intense, important and time-consuming.

Family was my MOST important value, yet my actions showed otherwise.

I used to work most evenings and weekends. And I had little energy and presence for my family at the end of a work day.

I’d rush through home “duties” and once the kids were in bed, I’d catch up on work tasks and email later at night.

I was pretty good at being optimistic and calm at work, yet I had little patience left when things didn’t go smoothly at home. 

The kids’ bedtime often turned into an angry battle of wills and I was fighting with my husband more than I wanted to admit.

And the kicker? I would have told you I was fine. It was normal, busy life after all. The way things were. BUT, it eventually caught up with me.

My relationships started to suffer. My husband who had always been my most favorite person was driving me crazy. My kids were “difficult” and hard to please. 

I thought it was them.

But I eventually figured out I had a pretty HUGE part in this dynamic. They were not getting my best self. 

My work got the best of me and my family got the worst of me.

People often say they don’t like their job because the pace is too much or their manager is impossible to work with or they don’t feel valued or their kids are difficult – all external circumstances.

For me, a big shift started to happen only once I became more self-aware. I looked in the mirror and didn’t like the person or parent I was being. 

It’s easy to lose sight of your values when you get caught up in the day-to-day demands or in a tough situation if you're not self-aware.

Looking back, I didn’t understand what it really meant to live your values, or recognize that, when facing a conflict between two important areas, there were more choices available to me.

I eventually started to make changes in how I was showing up in my life, such as setting boundaries between my work and personal time, being more present and patient, and learning how to say 'no.

All starting with getting clear on what really mattered to me. To live and lead with my values, which creates more fulfillment, ease and clarity.

The most interesting thing I learned is we experience the most internal conflict when two of our values are at odds -- which is family and achievement for so many people (however you define your values).

But when you are clear on what's MOST important to you, that can help guide your choices in those tougher situations and you'll experience less internal conflict.

For me, my family and being present will always be my number one. I check in with this core value – every. single. day. I rarely ever feel out of balance because I keep this front and center especially as I grow my business.

To do this, I must be more focused and selective in what I choose to do to be successful in my work. To play within my boundaries and stay out of the overwhelm.

And while doing this . . . . I am also achieving even more.

Many people believe they can’t possibly do more without compromising their happiness and sense of balance – that to be successful, they must sacrifice their personal and family time . . . or their sanity.

This simply isn’t true – it’s a choice you are making. And there are other choices available to you. 

When I check-in with myself every day now, I am confident that I am living my values and others know that through my actions. I am also clear what is most important to me.

And that will always be my husband and kids. Because the rest of it doesn’t matter without them.

Want to be more balanced by aligning your actions with your values?

I am currently enrolling new clients in The Balanced Leader™ 4-month coaching program, working with professional women who want to live and lead with their values, keep stronger boundaries between work and personal time, focus on the right things, say 'no' without the guilt, feel confident in their choices and more. So they can be more balanced in life and their best self at work and home. 

Want to join us? Go here to book a call and we can see if it's right for you. 

“You don’t have time NOT to ensure you are living the life you want and spend your time in a way that is aligned with your values and what is most important to you.” – Meghan,  Client

What Next?

You can sign up for Stacey's masterclass, The Confident "No" here.

Stacey L. Olson is a Leadership and Certified Positive Psychology Coach, has 15 years of corporate experience and has gone through her own transformational change from burning out to balanced in life while performing at a high level (both in her corporate career and own business). She works with professionals who want to work less, live more and be their best even with all the demands, high expectations and messiness of everyday life. Stacey is the founder of The Balanced Leader™ program and offers executive and leadership coaching, workshops, and speaking.